Reminiscing

There are days when I can't believe it has been almost an entire year since Dylan was born, and then there are those days when I feel like it has been several. A year ago this month I was doing everything I could to turn Dylan back into the head down position.  After my midwife visit in May, it was determined that Dylan was head down, in the perfect position and too big to turn around.  Wouldn't you know it, that stubborn little boy decided that he was going to accomplish what they said he couldn't do.  

At my early June appointment, he was head up and happy to be there.  We were a short window of opportunity get him to turn back around without medical intervention.  Despite my resistance to showing my extra large and extra white thighs, I went swimming frequently and did hand stands in the pool.  I laid on the floor with pillows propped under my hips and headphones positioned low on my belly for hours on end.  We took a flashlight and held it up to my belly, and then slowly moved it downward.  This made Dylan move around, but he refused to flip.  Chad and I even went to an acupuncturist to learn moxibustion.  I, more appropriately, called it burning my toes.  

Moxibustion is a form of traditional Chinese medicine where you burn a stick made of mugwort (aka moxa) and hold it at the outer corners of your pinkie toes until it starts to burn.  You then take it away for a few seconds and start again, repeating for 20 minutes twice a day. Despite my American skepticism, it did cause me to have contractions but didn't cause Dylan to turn. 

If you can't tell already, I was determined not to need medical intervention.My whole plan was to give birth with no medication, in a tub in a quiet room with no one around but my husband and midwife.  Unfortunately, my determination was not enough.  I was a sobbing, hysterical wreck as I set up my appointment for an external cephalic version.  Basically, this involved monitoring through ultrasound while a doctor placed her hands behind the baby's head, and a nurse placed her hands behind his bottom.  They push and push until he flips around and is head down.  Imagine how hard they have to push to get enough grip on the baby's body to push him around in utero.  Not pleasant, and pretty scary thinking about what my poor baby was going through.  The good part is he's a happy and healthy 11 month old now, so I guess I did the right thing.

This crazy life!

Wow, it has been quite a while since I've posted anything.  I started back to work in Mid-April and since then life has whirled around me as I try to keep moving forward.  Work is busy as ever, and traffic is bad as ever.  Dylan has been teething and so sleep has become very precious.  I get out of bed around 5am and don't stop until about 11pm (which is conveniently when poor Dylan begins his all-night ritual of waking up in pain and wanting no one but me).  I've gotten a tad cranky (to put it nicely), cursed my luck and blamed Chad for things he didn't do.  But in all of it, we've made a good team.  Somehow, we each find the strength to stay calm when the other loses it.  Of course, it helps that we have this little guy to put things into perspective:

Maybe it is a crazy life, but it sure is sweet.

The Words are the Same, but the Meanings have Changed

Here is a list of words and phrases that  have taken on a new meaning since Dylan was born.  Motherhood really does change EVERYTHING!

• Sleeping in
• Before Dylan (BD): Sleeping until at least 11am, sometimes noon, and then lazily lounging around the house, maybe making some breakfast, and doing whatever I might fancy at the moment
• After Dylan (AD):  Sleeping until 6:30am, making some coffee and trying to figure out how to accomplish everything that needs to be done and still get a shower!

• Showering
• BD: A way to stay clean. There were plenty of opportunities during the day. Sometimes replaced by a relaxing bubble bath, with lights out and candles lit.
• AD: Immediately after the nap begins, a chance to jump in and jump out within five minutes, remaining as quiet as possible (no dropping shampoo bottles!) to not wake the baby who's crib is on the other side of the wall.  (maybe we should move his crib)

• Makeup
• BD: A fun opportunity to play with the way I look, often making me feel pretty.
• AD: Something that often happens in the car (only when someone else is driving!) and generally is only applied in a failed attempt to hide the circles under my eyes.

• Coffee
• BD: A bitter drink that I wanted to like because it smelled like it should taste so good, but really tasted like cigarette ashes.
• AD: A bitter drink that I have learned to like because it keeps me going, going, going....

• Going out
• BD: A fun opportunity to get out of the house and find entertainment.  This could occur on a whim and could last as long as we wanted it to.
• AD: A two hour scramble to get him and all accompanying equipment into the car, with the potential to be fun or disastrous.  Outings usually end in leaving early because of extreme exhaustion manifesting itself as inconsolable crying.

• Love
• BD: A strong, genuine feeling of caring towards my family and friends
• AD: An unexplainable feeling that life wasn't complete until this little man arrived in the world.   The knowledge that I would do absolutely anything for him. The fact that he can fart and it makes me smile (if that's not love, I don't know what is!)

Finding the Silver Lining

I've done a lot of complaining and feeling sorry for myself over the past few weeks.  I still have trouble picking up Dylan and still can't drive myself easily.  I feel very dependent on others, which is not an easy role for me accept.  The more I think about it though, I realize how lucky I am that I have a little extra time to spend around my family.  Chad has taken some time off work here and there, and my Mom has been coming over to help out too. I get to see Dylan more than I would if I were working every day.  I think that maybe I've been wasting time feeling sorry for myself.  I should really be trying to enjoy this extra time that I have to bond with the people that I love (and who obviously love me to take such good care of a big whiner).  My mom came over yesterday to help with Dylan and she vacuumed, did laundry, washed dishes and found a little extra time to pick some violets for me.  Funny how such a small gesture can change your mood.  Thanks Mom!

It was only a matter of time

One of the many reasons I fell for Chad was the way he acted around children.  Whenever we were at a family gathering, he would usually disappear.  I always knew that I could follow the kids' laughter to find him.  It was (and still is) so endearing to watch them all flock to him, and to watch him play games like he was one of them.  One of the activities his younger cousins liked most was to line up and run at him one by one.  When they reached him he would pick them up and throw them as high in the air as he could.  He moved on to playing with his nieces as the cousins grew up, and now he has a live in buddy to play with every day. He has already taught this game to Dylan which sometimes causes me to gasp in fear.  (You can tell by the way his head is cut off that I didn't expect him to go quite so high)  Dylan enjoys it immensely though, and lets out his hearty belly laugh.  I think I'm going to have to lighten up or just stop watching these things. :) 

Dylan is one lucky little boy to have Chad as a father.

Excitement!

Dylan doesn't know it yet, but he has a new little buddy.  His name is Paul and he is five days old! My cousin and I have already decided that they are going to be great friends.  They have no choice.  He is adorable and I love him! He makes me want another one.... (record scratches and room falls silent) 

OK, the momentary lapse of sanity has passed.  

Here he is! Little cutie pie.

Welcome to the world cutie Paul!

Thank You

I have a huge support network in my family and friends.  I have been lucky to know many kind, caring, and giving people.  Still, it is absolutely amazing to me that people from all over the country, who have never met me, who have no stake in any part of my life, have chosen to read my blog and send me well wishes.  It really strengthens my faith in the innate goodness of this world.  Thank you to everyone who has taken a moment to send your support to both my Mom and me.  Your kind words mean so much.